Since graduating from university, I’ve felt stuck. Stuck in an unemployed-bubble, so to speak. Recently, I searched online for the possibility of reading another Master’s Degree both because it interested me but also, I had to admit, in order to replace myself within the very environment I’ve identified myself with the last 5-6 years. Today I took steps that may contain new possibilities for me. A step in the right direction. Contemporary with that new possibilities excites me, they scare me as well. While the new possibilities are within the framework of my current skill-set, they challenge the framework these specific skill-sets have constructed for me as well.
I once took a personality test. It gave me an idea of who I was as a person. Put me in a box. It deducted further that my personality was sooted for a job in a kindergarten for instance. While this test was right – I find taking care of children easy and have a talent for it – that was also what bored me the most. I knew, I had to challenge this frame my personality have placed me within. I know one cannot change who one is, but in my case I believe that just because I am good at taking care of children this is not necessarily what I am supposed to be doing for the rest of my life. Sometimes I’m very good at getting too comfortable within the frameworks I know inside out and become scared whenever I step outside of that frame. However, truth is I also love the rush, whenever I get that “Hey, I can do this”-thrill. So, I knew back then and have known for almost all my life, that if I was to be passionate and dedicated within a possible work-area I needed to go for the areas of work that seemed to challenge the walls of skill-sets and theoretical knowledge I have build around myself. I needed to step out of my comfort-zone and do the opposite of what the personality-tests would say of me. My guideline in life became, and still is, that I had to try out the things that scared the shit out of me.
Because if I was to give in to the fear of leaving my comfort-zone, I would fall into some kind of trance. I would be relatively bored and regret for the rest of my life, that I didn’t step out of the door and instead looking at everyone else through the window. I’ve learned that what tests say of you shouldn’t necessarily be the thing that defines in which “box” you end up in. Sometimes the best thing one can do for oneself is to follow what we get scared of, because we deep down might want it more. Sometimes we have to step of the cliff of comfort and see where we land in the end. It might not necessarily be within what we secretly dream of doing – but maybe in an even better position.
Imens jeg den sidste tid har følt, at jeg har siddet fast i en ledigheds/arbejdsløsheds-bobbel, kan jeg i dag gå på weekend velvidende om, at jeg faktisk gør, hvad jeg kan for at komme i arbejde. Jeg har fået en mulighed for en spændende virksomhedspraktik, der både kommer til at trække på nogle af mine kompetencer men også vil udfordre de rammer mine nuværende kompetencer har sat for mig.
Jeg tog engang en personlighedstest. Jeg mener at huske, at den bebudede mig om, at jeg skulle være i de mere jordnære jobs, hvor der var kontakt med mennesker. Så som pædagog. Jeg har arbejdet indenfor faget engang – ikke som pædagog, men som medhjælper. Det var relativt nemt for mig og jeg kan da også forstå hvorfor testen faldt i den kategori. Det faldt mig helt naturligt – men netop derfor syntes jeg dengang at det var helt vildt kedeligt. Jeg gik derfra med en kæmpe respekt for de mænd og kvinder der arbejdede med børn, formede dem og gav grundlaget for videre udvikling hos det enkelte barn. Jeg forlod erhvervet med en bevidsthed om, at jeg skulle udfordre mig selv på de områder der skræmte mig mest. Jeg vidste dengang, at hvis jeg skulle udvise passion og være dedikeret i mit arbejde, skulle jeg ud i de områder af arbejdslivet der skræmte mig fra hvid og sans, fordi jeg var bange for at fejle. Siden har det været min guideline. Hvis der er noget der skræmmer mig, bliver jeg nødt til at prøve det. Sådan er det.
Derfor udfordrer jeg som regel de rammer der bliver sat omkring mig. Derfor bliver jeg nok aldrig indenfor et arbejdsområde, fordi det er noget jeg har nemt ved. Fordi først da, begynder det at kede mig. Jeg udfordrer grænserne. Jeg udforsker hvad mine kompetencer kan føre til og hvor langt jeg kan trække dem – ud fra den indre følelse af angst. For det er først når jeg giver efter for den angst, at jeg bliver lullet i søvn og kedsomheden vil blive en ven. Istedet lærer jeg om passion og om hvordan vi som menneske ikke nødvendigvis bør lade os definere af hvad rammerne siger om os. Nogle gange er rammerne skabt til at blive brudt ned og opbygget igen.
