This month has a special mark in the calendar for me. Not only because it is the month of my birthday, but also because it is marked as the 12th month of consistently paying tithe to my church and to a few good causes of my choice. Once upon a time I began because a pastor in church dared us all to “…test God in this” and challenged me. Now I can’t even remember why. It is something I do, a habit. It is something that physically sort of places my life in Gods hands. I trust him with my finances and with everything that can bring me. Money is sort of the key to life here in this world, and by giving money to church and to the few good causes I support, I am giving to something I believe in. But I also place my trust in God, that he will provide. That he will take care of me in everything that money can give: A home, food on the table, clothes and so forth. I place my trust in the fact that he will lead me and guide me.

I have heard many stories of miracles. Stories of people who trusted God with their finances by tithing and suddenly their prayer was answered in specific areas. I have no such stories. But I do find myself content with what I have. A deep contentment I haven’t felt before. A peaceful feeling of not needing more. Of course a lot of things will be able to develop and happen, once I get a job. I haven’t stopped dreaming of the future, and what it withholds for me: A job and my own place maybe. But I don’t feel envious or greed when I hear about other peoples investing in design furniture or a fancy car. I don’t need fancy, smart or modern. I need God, the rest is just features that may look good in a future apartment.

I still spend too much though and there is a long way to go before I stop overspending. But I overspend on the things that matter to me: Time with my family and friends and traveling. It means that I went all out for New Years eve even though it was only me and my sister. I went all out for my birthday as well. Because I want to. Because I looove cooking and I love doing it for the people I deeply care about. It means that the “hang-over” days are spent on eating left overs and trying to spend as little as possible. I guess that is how I priorities, which means that there are other things that I cannot priorities right now. And I think that is one of my main realisations. That when you are focusing on your economy – it is important to have in mind, what one’s priorities and dreams are. And striving for them means sacrificing on other ends. What is important? What don’t I need?

I was reminded of a verse in the bible. That one where Gods giving “clothe” to the flowers on the meadow and takes care of the birds. The one that reminds me of the fact that if he provides for the flowers, the trees, the birds – why wouldn’t he take care of me? I mean he created man in his image. He gave his only son for us. For me. Why wouldn’t he take care of me. My situation. My finances. I remember times where he did. I remember situations I could only explain in the “God equation”. Then why is it so difficult for me to trust that he will not take care of me now?! I guess there are still things that I need to work on, and as I will be giving in the end of this month I will once more remind myself of how great God is and how I need to place my trust in him. He knows best.