Category: That thing about God

Day 20: “20 days to a bag of candy”

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At the end of a day, my mouth would have its own mind and literally send signals to my brain on how bored it was. Why no candy? Why not that icecream from the freezer? OH OH OH, Look at that lemon-marengue pie? But a couple of days ago it basically said, Kat, you simply cannot watch more TV without one of those crusty rolls you bought for the weekend. It is simply not possible.

And you know, like training a dog as owners rewards the dog for the desired behaviours, I may have rewarded my mouths desires with all four of them.

It was a surprise to me how big an influence something so seemingly innocent as sugar can have and how dramatic my body can seem to be. After 2-3 days of headaches and 8 days of cake alternatives, I actually made it to the other side of all the drama-tantrums – sick of almonds, despite them being a regular in my household.

Now I have 20 days left and I can feel my body being a-okay (now I’m not talking diabetes wise, because that is another story for another day). I still miss my friday-night candy and I do want that Ben & Jerry’s in my freezer, but I’m not being that dramatic about it anymore. I’m simply okay going without.

Fasting from something is breaking with something that seems to have too much power over you.

I never actually thought I’d get to this point, where I would be okay with not entertaining my mouth with whatever cake was at my disposal. Learning, that it’s okay to be bored, and that it is literally unhealthy to give in to whatever need I have. But also breaking with a potential “comfort” before it got out of control and I had to fight other health-related issues.

I’d rather get a healthy, comfortable relation to the things that can create so much havoc in my life than to look back and wonder why I didn’t deal with this when I could.

Read along from day 1

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Day 1 of 40: “I have a problem”

kat.marlyThat thing about GodLeave a Comment on Day 1 of 40: “I have a problem”

As I was laying in bed trying to wake up, I wondered how to get around this idea or commitment I made the night before. Actually, I’ve tried to find loopholes all morning. How can I at some point in the nearest future eat that Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I have in the freezer? How can I justify buying my loved candy? And then it just dawned on me: I have a problem. Sugar in all forms unhealthy has an unnatural grip on my life. It takes a focus it shouldn’t have and for that reason alone, this is important.

Now, I’m diabetic. Type 1. So sugar will always in some form be a natural remedy to my expected lows. Many believes that I am sick because of sugar, but that’s not how it is – and that is why it is important for me to underline that this journey I’m sharing right now has nothing to do with my blood sugar. Now I expect that this choice I make the next 40 days will have an important impact in this area, but I do not choose not to eat sugar because of it. I believe that with the medicine we have today, a diabetic can live a normal life – and besides it’s all carbs that is an issue, so you can’t really live safe being sugar free – popcorn can make your blood sugar rise just as much as candy can. Maybe not as dramatically, but it will happen.

No, I am making this choice, because I do not want to be that lady who cannot control my need for sugar to function. I want to be able to have Cake-fridays, and then choose healthier options throughout the week. I want a healthy body, because I believe that it can be a journey in a healthier God-life as well. I do not want anything binding me, letting me become someone I am not intended to be.

So this is it. Day 40. In my fasting from sugar. The rule is I can eat fruit, and food with sugar in it (such as honey) but not the good processed sugar, candy, and things with processed sugar such as icecream and cakes.

This is my manifestation. This blog is supposed to keep me responsible. And this is me trying train some strength into this area of my life, where I unfortunately has a wormy-backbone (we say “en rygrad som en regnorm” in Danish).

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Something dangerous about a woman

kat.marlyprayer, Singleness, That thing about GodLeave a Comment on Something dangerous about a woman

Something dangerous about a woman;
Content with how things are;
In acceptance of the season she is in.

Loving what is today
Knowing that, accepting a season
does not make it permanent.

Change is happening
In all spheres of life;
some just quicker than others.

Taking away all distractions
Allowing her to focus on the reality
Seeing the possibilities for the future.

Possibilities not distracted
by norms of others.
by what she is ‘supposed’ to do.

But having true freedom
to feel, deep down;
“What is my God-spoken way of life?”

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I wonder why…

kat.marlyprayer, That thing about GodLeave a Comment on I wonder why…

“We’re not gonna be able to be really with people if we are not able to be real about where we really are and say ‘we just really need you, Jesus'”
– Bob Goff.

Once upon a time, in a church in Denmark I was sitting in the choir. I had committed to singing that specific Sunday morning. I don’t remember why. But I had one of those moments where I just felt life sucked. I remember sitting almost up under the roof where the organ was, listening to the priest, having a moment with God just saying to myself “Ok. This sucks. So, I don’t believe in you anymore.” I don’t remember what the priest said. But I do remember having this clear feeling just moments after, that “huh, God. You just really love me. ” And my few moments as a non-believer passed.

It was almost as if God whispered to me, “but Kat, I just love you. ” And that was all I needed. In that moment.

I have never hidden to any of my friends – believers or not – that I don’t always agree with God. Actually, one time, at a wedding, I shared in a private moment with the bride, that God and I were fighting. We had a disagreement as to where I was supposed to be in life by now. She shared with me that she’d always wondered, why I kept holding on to my faith, when it seemed to be so hard sometimes and go against what I wanted. And I remember answering;

“because I know God’s the one being right in the end. I just need time to get there”.

The thing about faith is that people are watching you. Not just when things are going well.

It is so easy to point to God and tell your friends about all the things that are happening when things are going well. Just as easy as it is for people in a relationship to tell singles to “not waste time not enjoying singleness. Because once you get in a relationship…”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do believe God can use every sphere his children are in, in his mission to bring people back to him.

But, I’ve learned that my faith tend to be the one thing people can’t stop noticing, when everything in my life just sucks, and I am still on my knees, praising God.

I may not remember a moment in life without God. I don’t have a crazy “coming to faith”-story or a story about how God’s healing during baptism.

God has been a constant companion throughout my life, as long as I can remember. What I believed and did back then may not necessarily be what I believe and do today. And, I’m not perfect. I am a sinner too. I may not have always been faithful to the road he is leading me towards, but I’ve always been loyal to it.

The thing just is, that there is just as much power in the story of a lifelong journey with God walking the road he’s leading me towards as any other faith-story. Because people notice.

A friend told me, that it was people like me, who kept holding on throughout their entire lives that led her to believe and trust, that, that “God-thing” might actually be true.

So. Don’t ever doubt that God isn’t using you. You may not notice. Sometimes it isn’t when you are pointing towards him, but when you are living your life trying to pass whatever bump your facing on the road of life. It may not always be the masks you let people see in public that makes people wonder. But it may be when you let the mask drop that they notice that you act what you preach.

In the end, we do not have to do anything but getting out of the way. God is in control. No matter what, walking with Jesus, people will notice. And I pray that, my actions will point them to him and be a light in their darkness, making them wonder.

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