Category: Personlige tænkerier

When Singles and Relationshipper’s collides

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Here the other day, I called a close friend. It was with an impulsive request to join me to watch a play at a theatre nearby. Just within 15 minutes I was called up myself and had been given two tickets. She declared, she couldn’t because the boyfriend and her had plans to share the evening together. I jokingly declared that she had become a tad relationshippy-boring – a comment that came out a bit more judgemental than I ment it to. It was meant as a loving joke. Because it all was last minute. It was understandable if she wasn’t in the mood for a spur of the moment thing. And btw she is not relationshippy-boring. Far from it actually. She is quite amazing.

It made me think about the difference between being single and being in a relationship. More specifically it made me think about an article I been meaning to read in eurowoman, that facebook so conveniently had advertised for in my news feed. An apparently happily coupled lady/woman talks about how difficult it can be to talk about the good things in her relationship to her single friends. Quite literally, she advices all single females to embrace the good things in their friends relationships, ask about them and so forth. It is all written from the not so single female point of view. Honestly, I find it kind of sad if she has a group of friends that are more interested in the intrigues and finding the bad things in her relationship more interesting than the good. Personally, I find it a bit (not to say humongously) generalised. Maybe an article ment to initiate a discussion on the subject. Not only have I listened to the hunky dory and pink sky happy things when my friends have gotten a new boyfriend – I embrace it and I ask about it. Because I actually thinks it is a naturally part of being a woman. We are all a bit oversharing at times, some would say annoying (actually the lady in the article her self find oversharing annoying). But eventually it evens out. the everyday life comes back and what made my friend’s heart burst with joy, is not so overflowing anymore. Actually, I’ve always told my friends, that if I were in their shoes I would be a hundred times more annoying than they are to me. Some day wind turns and it is my heart overflowing with annoying pink skies and flying elefants that they will have to listen to. That’s life. I admit to not having succeeded always with this principle. Here the other day a friend told me that another friend had finally found someone, she wants to see where things are going with. And my respons was: “OH, I’m the only single one left!” Truthfully, I talked to God once praying that she should find someone before I did. Because I don’t find single life annoying, and I wanted that blessing in her life. Prayer heard, I guess…

But sometimes, I also find that my not-so-single friends don’t always understand things from my perspective. I never imagined to be single now. In a once childhood fantasy I would be married by now and maybe had initiated the baby-production part as well. Things changed, and I am glad that, that fantasy did not come true. I have been given so many other things, that only a single-life could give. But sometimes. That little 7 year old girl pops up. And, well. It is not envy I feel. It is sorrow. It is grieving of a life I will never get. I will never be married before I’m 30. It’s a fact. And it is a sorrow that I think one should embrace, accept and act upon.

We should accept and listen to a friends relationship – in the good as well as the bad times. But we should also turn things around and accept and listen to the sorrow and the grief that can be in realising that the single friend does not have that right now. Being friends is always a two-way thing, and as in a relationship, sometimes we have to compromise in order to be there for each other.

I admit that my married and relationshippy friends might find me that annoying friend they cannot share the good times with right now. But it will turn. I will be back. Because deep down I know that, that life is not for me right now. It will all come in the right time. But now, I am grieving. I am grieving once again over the fairytale I never got – and never will get. And if I cannot share that with my friends, there is something wrong with the friendship – not me (and vice versa of course). The woman in Eurowoman ended the article by declaring that singles should hug their friends in a relationship and ask about it. Well, I would say it to be the other way around as well. Because you, not so single woman, might get acknowledgements and is caressed more than a few times a week by your significant other, your single friend is not. So go out their and compliment your friends hug them and make sure they feel appreciated. Because sometimes, the envy has nothing to do with the relationship. It has to do with a boundless need to feel seen, appreciated and caressed.

I guess we all need a hug, for different reasons. So let’s just agree to hug more people. 🙂

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When Family Becomes much more than blood

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Previously, when I was down and blue or just needed a word of advice or comfort. No matter the time of the day, I could always call my dad. He would always pick up the phone. And the few times he didn’t I respected that. We would discuss life, argue about different episodes I needed a second opinion on, philosophise about the next step I should take in a given situation. He was my mentor in life. Despite the fact that I did not always agree, I highly appreciated his opinion. I knew I could always find comfort and help with him. No matter the circumstance. No matter the place in the world. He would be there for me and my siblings. He would drive to the far ends of Denmark if that’s what we needed. That is how I grew up. That is my legacy.

Soon it will be  4 years since he died on a trip to Egypt with my brother. And in these four years I have struggled to find a foundation on which to stand. It felt like parts of it was crumpling away and I suddenly only had half of what I used to believe in. In these 4 years my mother has stepped in and helped us all in the best way she could. But it doesn’t take away the fact that Dad had had a great influence on me and my siblings.

Thus, when my brother writes me at 2 am in the morning I respond, if I am awake and not in a bad mood because he woke me up.  Overall, I’d like to think that my family can call me whenever. Wherever and I will respond. Because, that’s what you do. That’s what dad did. If I asked my sister to drive to a particular part of the country because of some reason: she’d ask when. If I needed my brother to help me move or anything else, he’d grab his things and meet me almost immediately. That’s how we are. That’s who we are. That’s how we grew up.

Despite my father’s memory is in our hearts and not physical in this world any more, the legacy of how me and my siblings understand family is burning through every social relation we make in the world.

Just a little philosophical thoughts on this grey Monday, for you all.

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Oh boy! On Recent Blog-blackout & A Grown-Up Adventures

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I admit to not being as consistent with the blogs as I first planned to be. And I apologise to the few readers that do visit my blog at this moment. I have had some interesting weeks learning and I admit to being without much energi when arriving home after work. I have been able to keep up my training though (I run three times a week) and I’m now able to run 10,5 km moving towards my 11 km next weekend. For this I am quite proud of myself. My Iphone are showing signs of exhaustion, as it tends to cut of power for my running app towards the end of my runs, when doing a long run. So I wonder if it would be easier with one of those runner-watches.. Luckily, it’s christmas soon and therefore also my birthday.

Now I am moving towards new adventures job-wise and I am both scared and excited about what’s in the future for me. I love to be able to do these internships that the Danish system have enabled for someone like me. As recently graduated, it is scares as to what type of work experience I have. Despite not being without that much, I still lack experience and these internships will help me with that. I love being able to move around and get to know new people in the field I would love to work within.

I feel like I did when I stood in the airport on my way out into the world for the first time without my parents. Only in a grown up-ish fashion, where I move towards employment!

adventure

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You know …

kat.marlyPersonlige tænkerierLeave a Comment on You know …

… you are dealing with a child in a grown-up-body costume (read me!) when…

… such person might seem smart and throw around big words using them correctly and all, but a few minutes after will be on Facebook writing a dear friend: “Huuuuh, used the word discrepancy twice today – aaaand correctly” and then be giggling for a while like a 1st grader hearing someone say the word sex for the first time!

…when you realise that playing Township is a big deal. I mean if anyone could go pro… And the fact that this person gladly would spend every break of the day making sure that his or her team wins the regatta!

…you notice the fact that this person owns all the original episodes of the Winnie the Pooh series and that he or she has hidden every episode that has not been released on DVD on his or her YouTube account – just in case he or she is in that mood. If you ever where to ask, he or she will make a great effort in arguing that it has to do with childhood memories when in fact the truth is, this person still loves seeing them and will still laugh out loud because he or she finds Winnie the Pooh and all the characters in it hilarious!

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Online-dating: En kunst for de få

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Only in Danish. 

Jeg indrømmer ikke at være en habil dater, men min nysgerrighed løb mig over ende og jeg oprettede en profil et sted i internetverdenen. Jeg havde et hav af fordomme, men har da også hørt om succeshistorier fra selvsamme medie. Min veninde var endda så god at opmuntre mig til at gøre det og være stolt over det, da hun understregede, at nu om dage var det en af de mest populære veje frem.

Forstå mig ret, jeg er faktisk ufattelig glad for at være single og nyder det i fulde drag. Jeg nyder ikke at skulle stå til ansvar for nogen. Specielt det bare at kunne tage ud og rejse, uden at skulle sådan for alvor vende det med gutten der hjemme. Når det så er sagt, er jeg alligevel lidt nysgerrig efter hvad det der dating er og derfor er jeg hoppet ud i dette grænseoverskridende eventyr, som nok kommer til at udfordre mine trygge rammer for social adfærd.

(more…)

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Bacon: Livets eliksir / Bacon: The Elixir of Life

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Imens jeg sidder her foran min computer og prøver ihærdigt at overbevise mig selv om at lejligheden ikke på magisk vis gør sig selv rent og at vasketøjet ikke lige pludselig hænger på sin plads rent, baner duften af bacon sin vej ind gennem mit vindue, som en af de der gode pluto-tegnefilm. Det minder mig om, at det er fredag og at jeg skulle planlægge noget lækkert til aftensmad – med bacon og rødvin. For ærlig talt glæder jeg mig til at kunne nyde en ren lejlighed, et glas vin, lækker mad og at kunne se en god film – uden at tænke på de kommende ugers spændende nye ting. Jeg prøver ikke at blive for nervøs omkring næste uges praktik.

For i næste uge begynder jeg i en spændende virksomhedspraktik, som skal hjælpe mig med på et eller andet tidspunkt at få et job. Jeg er så spændt på det og er helt vild glad for at få muligheden. På samme tid er jeg vildt nervøs fordi det udfordrer min indre tryghedsnarkoman. For lang tid siden fandt jeg ud af, at for ikke at blive hende der damen med de mange kæledyr, som kun betrådte stier hun allerede havde mødt, blev jeg nødt til at konfrontere mit behov for at føle mig sikker ved kun at berøre ting, tage steder hen og gøre ting jeg kendte til. Det er noget der udfordrer mig dagligt, men jeg bliver også ved med at minde mig selv om alle de gange jeg er lykkedes og hvad det i sidste ende har givet mig.

Nå men, ihvertfald vil jeg bare ønske alle derude en rigtig god weekend!

While sitting here in front of my computer, trying to convince myself that the apartment doesn’t clean itself and the laundry doesn’t magically turn up clean the fragrance of bacon slowly catch my attention. I am reminded that today it’s friday and I should plan something special for dinner – with bacon and red wine. Cause honestly, I am looking forward to sit in a clean apartment, enjoy a glass of wine, eat delicious food and watch a movie trying not to get too nervous about next weeks internship.

Because next week I begin at an internship that will help my chances of eventually getting a job. I am so excited about getting the opportunity and on the same time nervous because it challenges my “addiction to feeling secure”. I found a long time ago, that in order to become more than just that lady with a lot of animals who only steps on path already encountered I had to challenge my need for feeling secure. It is still something that challenges me, but I keep reminding me of all the times I’ve succeeded and that keeps me going.

Anyway, I guess all I am saying to everyone out there – Have a splendid weekend and keep the challenges real.

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What to do about the future? Being bored by comfort-zones

kat.marlyPersonlige tænkerierLeave a Comment on What to do about the future? Being bored by comfort-zones

future-01
Since graduating from university, I’ve felt stuck. Stuck in an unemployed-bubble, so to speak. Recently, I searched online for the possibility of reading another Master’s Degree both because it interested me but also, I had to admit, in order to replace myself within the very environment I’ve identified myself with the last 5-6 years. Today I took steps that may contain new possibilities for me. A step in the right direction. Contemporary with that new possibilities excites me, they scare me as well. While the new possibilities are within the framework of my current skill-set, they challenge the framework these specific skill-sets have constructed for me as well.

I once took a personality test. It gave me an idea of who I was as a person. Put me in a box. It deducted further that my personality was sooted for a job in a kindergarten for instance. While this test was right – I find taking care of children easy and have a talent for it – that was also what bored me the most. I knew, I had to challenge this frame my personality have placed me within. I know one cannot change who one is, but in my case I believe that just because I am good at taking care of children this is not necessarily what I am supposed to be doing for the rest of my life. Sometimes I’m very good at getting too comfortable within the frameworks I know inside out and become scared whenever I step outside of that frame. However, truth is I also love the rush, whenever I get that “Hey, I can do this”-thrill. So, I knew back then and have known for almost all my life, that if I was to be passionate and dedicated within a possible work-area I needed to go for the areas of work that seemed to challenge the walls of skill-sets and theoretical knowledge I have build around myself. I needed to step out of my comfort-zone and do the opposite of what the personality-tests would say of me. My guideline in life became, and still is, that I had to try out the things that scared the shit out of me.

Because if I was to give in to the fear of leaving my comfort-zone, I would fall into some kind of trance. I would be relatively bored and regret for the rest of my life, that I didn’t step out of the door and instead looking at everyone else through the window. I’ve learned that what tests say of you shouldn’t necessarily be the thing that defines in which “box” you end up in. Sometimes the best thing one can do for oneself is to follow what we get scared of, because we deep down might want it more. Sometimes we have to step of the cliff of comfort and see where we land in the end. It might not necessarily be within what we secretly dream of doing – but maybe in an even better position.

Imens jeg den sidste tid har følt, at jeg har siddet fast i en ledigheds/arbejdsløsheds-bobbel, kan jeg i dag gå på weekend velvidende om, at jeg faktisk gør, hvad jeg kan for at komme i arbejde. Jeg har fået en mulighed for en spændende virksomhedspraktik, der både kommer til at trække på nogle af mine kompetencer men også vil udfordre de rammer mine nuværende kompetencer har sat for mig.

Jeg tog engang en personlighedstest. Jeg mener at huske, at den bebudede mig om, at jeg skulle være i de mere jordnære jobs, hvor der var kontakt med mennesker. Så som pædagog. Jeg har arbejdet indenfor faget engang – ikke som pædagog, men som medhjælper. Det var relativt nemt for mig og jeg kan da også forstå hvorfor testen faldt i den kategori. Det faldt mig helt naturligt – men netop derfor syntes jeg dengang at det var helt vildt kedeligt. Jeg gik derfra med en kæmpe respekt for de mænd og kvinder der arbejdede med børn, formede dem og gav grundlaget for videre udvikling hos det enkelte barn. Jeg forlod erhvervet med en bevidsthed om, at jeg skulle udfordre mig selv på de områder der skræmte mig mest. Jeg vidste dengang, at hvis jeg skulle udvise passion og være dedikeret i mit arbejde, skulle jeg ud i de områder af arbejdslivet der skræmte mig fra hvid og sans, fordi jeg var bange for at fejle. Siden har det været min guideline. Hvis der er noget der skræmmer mig, bliver jeg nødt til at prøve det. Sådan er det.

Derfor udfordrer jeg som regel de rammer der bliver sat omkring mig. Derfor bliver jeg nok aldrig indenfor et arbejdsområde, fordi det er noget jeg har nemt ved. Fordi først da, begynder det at kede mig. Jeg udfordrer grænserne. Jeg udforsker hvad mine kompetencer kan føre til og hvor langt jeg kan trække dem – ud fra den indre følelse af angst. For det er først når jeg giver efter for den angst, at jeg bliver lullet i søvn og kedsomheden vil blive en ven. Istedet lærer jeg om passion og om hvordan vi som menneske ikke nødvendigvis bør lade os definere af hvad rammerne siger om os. Nogle gange er rammerne skabt til at blive brudt ned og opbygget igen.

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