I’ve heard life compared to seasons. That spring-feeling that spreads through you when love takes every thought, every action hostile. I know about parts of life being compared to a dessert. Every step is taken in agony – yet, all you can do is put one foot in front of the other.
Personally, I’ve always found life to be like a hallway. Some you rush through like a wind, others you’ve been camping in for so long that you know every detail of that one room. Sometimes you find yourself in more than one hallway at once. At work things are flying, while in your home-life-hallway you may find every door locked or barricaded.
We’ve all been there. That one barricaded hallway where there seems to be no breakthrough.
To me, that “all to familiar”-hallway is my singleness. I know every surface of that room, every colour, every detail. I even try to splash things up a little, brigthen it up, making it home.
Every once in a while, I try to push through to see if ‘now is the time’, but the doors in this one hallway always seems so unnaturally barricaded. Every once in a while something happens, but I always end up back in that room, counting the boards in the sealing, waiting for the extraordinary.
I don’t understand why. I don’t understand why I can’t, when so many around me gets to. But I know how it feels when it’s a God-timing.
Though, my heart is not there yet my reasoning, mind and senses knows that Gods timing is the one to count on. I know how it feels when God wants something in my life.
Sometimes God scatters opportunities in front of me, sits back and watches me take up the pieces, studying them and choosing. Other times, it is like I don’t even have to push any door open. It will be opened for me and I will be forced through, kicking and screaming like the kid in a supermarket not getting that one candy bar.
Over the years, I’ve learned that change doesn’t necessarily happen because I do something extraordinary. I can prepare the circumstances. I can even try to prepare myself. But in the end, God is the one doing the extraordinary, and if he doesn’t think it’s time – it won’t be.
The hardest part is not waiting or going through the process of the wait. It is not trying to believe it will happen in my own life or to someone else. Having chosen him to lay the road before me, I can’t know when, where or with whom neither in my life nor for the people around me. While the wait is hard, the hardest part of it is the fact that we are waiting for his timing. Not mine.
In the midst of it all, taking desires and life-wishes off the table, the ultimate hardest part is praying ‘Thy will be done’ and trusting that no matter what, the road laid before me is the best road taken.
I don’t know why I’m single. I don’t know why you are. I don’t know whether I’ll ever not be. But I trust that God knows what he’s doing. Even if my fleeting heart doesn’t always agree I know that the process he is taking me through is the best for me. Though this road is narrow and less travelled, I choose to trust the one that can do extraordinary things instead of my own abilities to create a destiny.
